


Sirius thoughts

by Dibee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders' Era, Pre-Relationship, Remus spends a lot of time watching Sirius, and then thinking about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 00:43:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3876004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dibee/pseuds/Dibee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin reminisces over Sirius Lupin, himself, their group of friends, and what their friendship means to him.</p>
<p>"There was a difference between being carefree and careless, and Sirius had a tendency to disregard it and just be both at once, which had the unfortunate effect of both getting on everyone’s nerves and, often as a result of that, get him detention."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sirius thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place around the fifth year of the Marauders at Hogwarts.
> 
> I am still new to this part of the fandom, and welcome any comment!
> 
> Thanks again to my friend Sarah_Frog for dealing with my sending her baby and full grown plots without being mad at me! Also thank you for not hating me for every pun I make that is worse than the previous one!

There was a difference between being carefree and careless, and Sirius had a tendency to disregard it and just be both at once, which had the unfortunate effect of both getting on everyone’s nerves and, often as a result of that, get him detention. 

Yet he was a bit of an enigma. Because as obnoxious as he could be at times, at others he was just the most caring, protective and downright mother-hen-y person Remus had ever encountered, and that involved Hogwart’s staff. 

No, Sirius really was a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in annoyingly good looks that got him out of more situations than Remus ever thought possible, despite his deep appreciation of said looks. He was not just handsome, he also knew how to charm people, and that had nothing to do with magic, and all to do with that devilish smile of his, and his brain, which was full of brilliance and mischief in equal parts, Remus suspected. 

At times, he would love to know what his friend thought. For all his loud talking and jokes, it was clear that a lot more was on his mind at any given time. He hid behind his smile, and his intense eyes, but Remus could see there was more. He knew there was, because they had both gone through things they couldn’t even voice, still were, and Remus suspected that was on his friend’s mind as often as on his.

Another thing Remus had noticed, especially lately, was a change of demeanour, however subtle, in Sirius. He talked a little less, he watched a little more; not like Remus did, checking around for sinister things when he was on edge, more like he attempted to assess the world and people around him. 

Remus, ever observant especially when Sirius was concerned, had noticed he had been looking at him, a lot. And beside his heart deciding to suddenly change beating patterns when that happened, Remus was not quite sure what to make of that. 

In those moments, there was an intensity in his eyes that was unsettling, not unlike his own when he dared look in a mirror shortly before the full moon. He was not quite himself then, and he could not help but wonder if Sirius had been himself, lately. But asking him that meant admitting he too had been watching. 

Still, he cared more about his friend than he did about being embarrassed, so long as Sirius did not push him to know why, in which case he would probably find himself caring about the floor very much. He had done a lot of that lately. And it turned out the floor really was of no particular interest.

Was Remus a coward? No. Without considering himself particularly brave (he had not chosen his fate, after all, he just coped with it as best as he could), he did what needed to be done when it needed to be. But when people were concerned... 

He had been taught from a young age to keep only minimal contact. So much as accepting and maintaining a friendship still felt weird, even after years of calling James, Sirius, and Peter mates, like he could be alone any instant, like he could need to push them away any instant, despite them knowing about what they called his ‘furry little problem’. 

Most of what needed social interaction made him tense, and when Sirius was concerned, it got worse, and trying to explain to himself why was even worse. So he did not. Not out of cowardice, but because he would cross that bridge when he would come to it. Or rather he would try never having to take that path. 

He liked the friendship the way it was, and he valued it too much to risk it. He was not sure what he would do without his friends, but he knew he would feel their absence more cruelly than that of anyone else. They had made his pain bearable. Without them, Sirius in particular, to guide him through the night, he would surely have lost his way.


End file.
